Holy hell. Monday.

Monday is never a good day. Today is Monday, and today is not a good day. I'm cranky, I'm tired, I feel like complaining for no reason at all, and I don't feel good.
Currently taking a quick mental  health break from work. My brain is fried.

Oh, and I was definitely late for work this morning. Like, seriously? My alarm somehow turned itself off while I was asleep, I guess... JK I know I probably turned it off in my sleep. It's a habit.

So, yea. Fuck today.

Quick update to kill some time

My job freakin rocks. Despite the fact that I've been busy as fuuuck this week, I'm so incredibly thrilled with all of the stuff that I've been doing! This is gonna sound super lame (sorry not sorry), but like, I finally feel like I'm actually worth something to VP. Lame. Told ya. But really though.. My boss has been giving me some somewhat important shit to do. So that's pretty neat and stuff.

My appetite has finally decided to come back. I haven't been hungry for like the last 4 months, maybe even longer than that. Now that I'm suddenly hungry again, I feel the need to create random concoctions in my kitchen. But sadly, I haven't because I'm too sleepy. Which brings me to my next update....

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see what my next move is in trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with my shoulder. Hopefully, I'm not dying. But then again, no more student loans......... And I've FINALLY made an appointment with a dermatologist to get all my crazy spots checked out. I'd like to cross off shoulder cancer (which isn't actually a real thing) and skin cancer off my list of possible diseases/illnesses.

That's all I have for now. Gotta get back to work!

Organization & how it makes me feel

Y'all. I think I have a problem. I'm legit obsessed with organization. Like, spreadsheets? Don't even get me started. You can organize so much information, it's like, what? My current organization project is AP files for the last fiscal year and the beginning of this fiscal year. Ok, so last years file folders were yellow, so obviously I'm labeling the filing cabinets with yellow tabs. This years file folders are blue. Betcha can't guess what color the filing cabinet tabs are gonna be.. :D So yea, that is how I feel at the moment about organization. I think I might legit be slightly aroused when I think of all the time I've saved someone in the future because of my exquisite organizational skills. Happy day. Happy day, indeed.

FFFFFFFFFF

Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!! My second favorite F word!!

The weekends make me happy because I can sleep in and not have to wear pants all day. Or a bra. Pants and bras are literally the worst thing to wear. Idk which is worse though... Bras sometimes make my boobies look phenomenal, but they are uncomfortable. And pants can be slimming, but they are also uncomfortable. I should just follow my true calling and move into the nudist colony on the other side of the river... Oh yea, there is a nudist colony on the other side of the river behind my grandma's house. Neat, huh? One time when it was borderline flooding, we were on the bridge checking the water level, and I saw a very tan and very naked old man.. Luckily he was far enough away that I couldn't see exactly what he was packin. But like, ew. Tan, naked old man.

Anywho. Back to my usual Friday excitement!! ~*~*~*~*~*~ fkalfl;jalfjasklfjkshasalsdjlsj
Can you tell I'm excited that it's Friday?? Because I am. I don't even have any big plans this weekend.. I'm just happy to not be at work. This has definitely been a long, and very taxing week for me. Curse you, end of the fiscal year, curse you!!

Like, here I am. Sitting at my desk. Paperwork spread out in front of me. An excel spreadsheet open so I can click back over to it if someone walks my way. Pretending to look busy is legit hard work. Borderline headache-inducing. Jk, it isn't even hard. I just need the time to hurry the eff up and hit 5:00 already tho. I have a very important meeting to attend at 5:30. It's a meeting in my bed. My stuffed teddy bear will be there, and so will my cat. It's gonna be one of those silent meetings where we all sleep and not give a flying fuck about the outside world. Ok, well, I gotta go. Adios mutherfaker. XOXO

My feelings towards doctors and waiting rooms.

I do not like waiting rooms at doctors offices. They always smell like baby poop and old lady stench. Literally, I'm suffocating right now. There are at least 12 other people/children in this tiny ass room and there is only ONE DOCTOR in this office. I might as well set up a tent and get ready to camp the fuck out. I'm praying they have free wifi.... Ok I just checked. I'm currently connected to a printer's wifi. Fuck yea dood.
But like really though. Idk if I'm gonna survive the putrid stench of this waiting room. My nose holes are burning so badly right now. Oh, and did I mention it's cold in here? Yea. Its cold in here. I'm thinking warm thoughts and it's not making me feel warm. I wish I had a blanket and some snacks, cuz I'm also hungry.. Random, but like, here I am sitting in this god awful stankass room, freezing to death, and literally the first food item that comes to mind is a fucking banana split. Like, really brain? Really? A cold dessert? You can do better than that... Chicken noodle soup. Hot wings. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Chili and corn bread. Even a cheeseburger. Those are much more appropriate..
And now, my bladder is informing me that I need to tinkle. This is great. Just fucking spectacular. I am not pleased with today. Can I just go home? Depending on what the doctor says, I might just do that. Go home, eat a sammich, take a nap, maybe do some laundry (probably not tho) because the idea of going back to work makes me wanna cry a little... I keep thinking about all the work that's piled up on my desk right now and I just wanna crawl in a hole and hide forever.
So. Anyways. My appointment is/was scheduled for 11:30, the current time: 11:51, I got here at 11:20. I am still in the waiting room. This is the worst. Like, psh. What's even the point of scheduling an appointment? They never get you in a room til a lot of minutes after your scheduled "appointment time" and then you wait even longer in the room for the doctor to show up and poke you for a couple of minutes then thats it. It's over. You're basically done. Like, why? Why?
Whatever. I just want some allergy and cough medicine so I can feel like a human again. Because, coughing all day and all night isn't fun. And not being able to breathe is totes NOT the bomb dot com. Not only are my nose holes blocked, but my ear holes are blocked as well. Every now and then I'll yawn or something and BOOM, suddenly one ear pops and I can hear again. It's almost magical being able to hear the world again..
Current time: 12:04
Current status: sitting in a temporary room until a real room opens up.
And now I'm waiting patiently to use the potty because I'm literally about to pee my pants. I wish I was joking. I drink a lot of water daily, so when I get the urge to pee, I better find a pisser real fuckin fast.
This really sucks a lot, but I should probably end this ranting blog post now.
Until later, my minions. XOXO

13 Reasons why Tuesday's are radical.

Tuesday. The day after Monday. Believe it or not there are valid reasons why Tuesday isn't a terrible day and today (Tuesday) I shall list them for you. You can thank me later.

1. It's not Monday anymore.
2. Taco Tuesday. Need I say more?
3. One day closer to Friday.
4. Weekend recovery mode has (hopefully) ended by now.
5. New episode of Pretty Little Liars.
6. New episode of BGC: Chicago.
7. You can get drunk at happy hour and people won't judge you because it's not Monday. Only alcoholics get drunk on Monday's.
8. It's the day before hump day.
9. Fat Tuesday.
10. Did I mention Taco Tuesday? Breakfast, lunch, & dinner y'all. Tacos all day.
11. This one goes hand-in-hand with 7. Tuesday Boozeday.
12. Instagram #hashtag of the day: #TransformationTuesday
13. Tuesday sounds like Yousday. Tuesday is all about you. Treat yo self Tuesday. Boom.

That's all I got. If you think Tuesday is awesome, tell me why!

Have you ever...

Have you ever been so tired that a nap was more important than anything else? Because that was me yesterday. After work I was supposed to go to the store to pick up meds and get groceries but I chose to go home and take a 3 hour nap instead. Totally worth every minute. So now today I have to go to the store to pick up meds and groceries. Not even mad.

Have you ever wanted a donut so bad it hurt? Because right this very second I want a donut so bad that I'm physically in pain. Someone get this girl a donut damnit! You betta believe I'm getting donuts at the store later. The struggle is real.

Today's have you ever  has been brought to you by the letter B for boredom and bitches.

Monday Rant

My throat hurts like a muthafuckin bitch right now. Like, it's not even funny how much it hurts. If I end up getting sick, I'm done. Over it. Goodbye world.
I don't wanna be at work right now, I wanna be in my bed snuggling with my cat and sleeping and dreaming about cool things like unicorns and kittens and blueberries.
My mother misplaced my favorite travel coffee mug that keeps warm things warm for a long time. I had to use this awful back up one and now my hot tea is cold tea.
Did I mention that it's Monday?
Yea. Fuck Monday's.
Maybe if I just chug this cold ass tea I'll have enough energy to conquer the ridiculous amount of work I have to do this morning.
If you're also having a bad day, here's a cute ass picture that might brighten your day.

I basically almost died.

There was a 2ft long copperhead on my front porch last night. My mom dragged my ass outta bed at 12:45 to help her kill it. We were both too scared so we called my dad (who was taking care of my grandma) and I went over there to stay with her (because she's old and has to have someone with her at all times) so he could go home and kill the snake. I'm not sure how long he took because I fell asleep. But when I left my house there was a snake on the porch, and when I got back there was a blood stain. My dad is a baller. Then this morning I slept through both of my alarms. I feel frantic still. Time to work now :(

Break Time.

Not really an actual work certified "break" but my mind can't focus on anything and basically my brain is shut off. You betta believe dis betch is gonna take a nap at 5:15 when I get home from work. So anyways, I definitely had an actual point to this post but I got distracted and forgot, now here I am rambling on about absolutely nothing important whatsoever.. Sorry to anyone who is reading this right now. I know, you were probably expecting something glorious, hilarious, exquisite, beautifully written, or flat out fucking radical. But you get this sloppy piece of junk instead. Btw, did I mention I was sorry, but not sorry? Ha! Jokes on you sucka. I honestly don't even know what I'm saying anymore at this point. Can it be 5 yet? Cuz my eyeballs are about to fall out of my skull.
Ok. I just had a very saddening realization.. I don't have anything to eat for lunch today :( and I'm a PMS-ing psycho right now, meaning that I basically want to eat edible thing in sight. Wahh :( Someone bring me a 72oz steak (rare/med rare), 1 gallon of mashed potatoes, 2 lbs of green beans, 3 cherry pies, a block of colby jack cheese, 2 large pepperoni pizzas, 6 pints of strawberry ice cream, one hard boiled egg, 10 bean and cheese tacos, a case of beer, and maybe a glass of water to help wash everything down. Yes, I am that hungry right now. It fees like my stomach is eating itself. I hear that damn dying sea lion again, only this time he's also a hungry dying seal. Like, wtf tumtum? Like, wtf, uterus? Like, wtf? Being a girl is the worst. I'm hungry, and cranky, and sad, and happy, and ragey, borderline murderous, and I also wanna sleep for 8 million hours straight. What in the actual fuck? Is this normal? Sadly, yes it is. FUCK.
Well I'm gonna go wallow in self-pity/starve/work/sleep with my eyes open/contemplate playing in traffic now. *le yawn*

Dead.

I'm. SO. FUCKING. Tired. Someone, please kill me. Curse you, PMS fatigue, curse you. Like, I know caffeine isn't gonna work today. It's just gonna be in my system doing nothing. It'll probably make me sleepier. FUCKING FUCK. I might leave work early today to go home and sleep. That's probably a terrible idea because I'm poor, but at this point I could care less about the lack of funds in my life. I care more about what the inside of my eyelids look like, honestly. I've been at work for almost 20 minutes and no joke, it feels like I've been here for at least 45 mins to an hour. What in the actual fuck? Here is a few illustrations that perfectly describe how I'm feeling today:

Starbucks, yo.

I skipped work this morning. But not because I'm a rebel. Well, I am a rebel, but just on weekends. So anyways, I went to the doctor. Everything is all normal & what not. THEN, I remembered on my way to work there's a starbucks! You should know now, I am not a coffee drinker it makes me feel nauseous. You should also know that I drink Earl Gray tea every morning. So starbucks. I needed my daily caffeine fix & something for lunch. My life has forever been changed, y'all. The Early Gray tea has crack in it. Like, actually addicting crack. It's life changing and 110% better than the Tazo box of Earl Gray that I buy from the store, even though it's literally the same exact thing. Like, wtf starbucks? Stop turning me into a tea-addicted crack addict. Well, that's been my morning so far. Also, if you're wondering, I got a zesty black bean and chicken salad for lunch. Can you say overpriced? It better be the greatest salad to ever enter my mouth hole. Just sayin.... Ok well I need to get to work now. Byeeeeeeeeeee.

:(

Last night as I was falling slowly into a peaceful slumber, I had an ingenious idea for a new blog. I thought to myself, "Self, you should probably write this amazing idea down." "Nah, I'll just make a cool little song to remember it."

Do you think I remember? No. I don't remember. This is disappointing.


Now I know how my parents feel #lol #jk

Today pt. 2

One more hour of work. Just one measly little hour. I think I can do this.
Unless, a meteor crashes into the plant and we all die in a big giant fiery explosion.
That would be kinda awesome.
JK, it would suck.
But seriously though. Today is practically never-ending. So here I am about to end up ranting and raving and typing oodles of nonsense that spews from my brain to my fingertips.
Here we go.
Green.
A dog named Sally.
Hamburger with no onions, extra pickles.
Lets go fly a kite.
Can you count to 1,000?
Are zebra's white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Banana hammock.
Winter.
I got 2 pickles.
Someone buy me a giraffe.
Pink and green are hideous when paired together, in my opinion.
I have to pee.
Tye Dye.

Ok. I'm done.

It's FRIDAY!

Let's celebrate by leaving work early!!

No..?

Oh, ok.

BRB, gonna go jump in front of a train.




Is it 5 yet?

Tonight, tonight.

Tonight is going to be a relaxing night. I can feel it in my bones. Is it 5 yet?
Beyond ready for a cigarette and a glass of wine.

Maybe tonight I'll get creative in the kitchen and create a culinary masterpiece.
Maybe I'll pretend I'm on chopped. That could be fun.

Idk. I'm delirious right now and rambling. I still have another hour and a half of work.
There's a random dude sitting in  my waiting room and he smells like cigarettes.
It's making me sad... I want one real bad now.

MonDaze

Another monday.
Just a typical monday sitting at my desk pretending to look busy. "Working" hard, ha.

I'm going to do my best to keep a positive mindset today. But sadly, since it is Monday, that might be a difficult task.
Plus I'm sad because I have to clean more when I get home after work.
I cleaned Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday night.
And I kept the kitchen clean throughout the weekend.

Btw this was a pretty ok weekend. Family came to visit so that was fun. The kids were fun. We did lots of arts & crafts. They painted and stuff. And they actually did a pretty good job too.

But anywho. Is it 5 yet?