Currently.

Currently the in the car.
Currently starving.
Currently thinking about Friday.
Currently typing words into my phone. Currently trying not to pass out from hunger.
Currently imagining a giant pizza, but like, wrapped around me like a blanket and I have to eat my way out.
Currently questioning my mental health.
Currently realizing that I question my mental health at least twice a week.
Currently loling at myself.
Currently trying to figure out what my next 'currently' is gonna be.
Currently.
The end.

Happy happy, joy joy

Things are good. Things are great. My friends are fucking awesome. Just plain freakin happy today. That's pretty much the life update. Now you're all caught up.

I guess I could discuss the things that are currently making me happy?

Someone is bringing me a taco and chips y salsa for lunch.

I'm having a good hair day.

I look cute af today, too.

My cat has been extra cuddley lately.

It's hump day. After today, just two more til WeEkeNd MoDe!!!

I'm going to the zoo on Saturday. I've been dying to go for a year and half, no joke.

Komodo dragons are literally the most badass creatures ever.

I got a snapchat from my brother today. He'll be home in 67 days!!!

My lunch was just hand delivered to me, now I must wait patiently for my lunch break.

I'm doing busy work. To most, that probably wouldn't make anyone happy, but to me it's the best because I zone out and time goes by super fast.

Every minute that goes by, gets me one minute closer to 5pm. Captain Obvious, You're welcome.

My left palm has been itchy. Money must be coming my way soon.

This gif:

The chocolate chip cookies I'm going to bake tonight. I can already smell them.

Thinking about what I'm going to wear to my company holiday party on Friday is getting me all sorts of excited. (even though the holidays suck, I still like to party)

I got a decent amount of sleep last night, AND I woke up in a good mood.






So those are the things that are currently making me happy. Today is a good day, guys. It's a damn good day.

Welcome to my random life.

First off, it's Friday. That's always awesome. I just have to make it to 5 pm and I'm good to go, then it's weekend mode!!
I just wanna say one thing, the past is the past. You can't change it. People from your past, they should stay there. Backtracking isn't something I do. Okay. Now that's out of the way, we can get down to business.
My life.
It is so random, & I love it.
All these mofo's hitting me up, like bitch you thirsty. Get it together.
When I get home from work, I have a puppy poo explosions to clean up *joy*
I'm probably going to take a nap when I get home, even though I slept great last night.
Craving bean & cheese tacos right now. Bad.
What does "on fleek" mean? Kids these days...
My best friend's birthday is tomorrow. Bring on the booze!
I'm having a lot of feels today. Idk why, but I'm kind of (borderline) overemotional for some reason. Maybe my PMS is early? Gosh I fucking hope not. I can't even..
I'm 110% sure I was a bear in a past life. I am forever sleepy during the cold months. It's almost as if I am subconsciously reliving my bear life, and I'm in hibernation mode.. Logic. Makes perfect sense.

I went au nauturale today at work (aka no makeup) and someone asked me if there was something wrong with my eyes because they looked like I had been rubbing them... Turns out, it was just the insanely puffy bags under my eyes. *Note to self: always wear makeup all the time forever and ever, literally never NOT wear makeup*
Have you ever just sat there and though "Hmmm, I wonder what Jennifer Aniston (or any other famous person) is doing right this very second..."? Because I have those thoughts a lot.
My most favoritest part of today is the realization, no better than that, the epiphany that I just had. I will be hunger PMSing on Thanksgiving. This is the best news ever because I can stuff my fat face with all the foods ever and no one can judge me because I'll a hungry hormonal mess. I just had a visual of me crying into a large bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy.... Hilarious.
I just legit smacked myself in the face. Like, open palm to front of face. Wow. I have reached a new low. At least I didn't give myself another blackeye......
This is my life and it is random. BYE.

Questions, questions, questions.

I'm very curious. I'd like to know who is out there reading all of my random-ass blog posts. Comment/email/text/facebook/tweet/send me a smoke signal!! I think it would be fun to communicate with the people I don't actually know in real life. K. Well that's all I really wanted to say.

Soooo, this is the part where you're supposed to decide which way to contact me. (Personally, I'm a fan of comments or emails)

*~*~*who knows, if I'm randomly feeling lovey and whatnot, I'll maybe possibly send you a surprise*~*~*

Random thoughts

Sometimes, I just sit and stare at stuff and think thoughts in my head. This most recent flow of thoughts that passed through my head were a doozy, so I felt like I needed to share it with the world.

I was thinking about Supernatural (totes normal). Then I was thinking about how damn fiiiine Sam, Dean, and Castiel are. Then (this is where it gets deep), I was thinking about how I'm not really that big a fan of religion and religion-related topics. But then, my mind was all "hey, but like.. don't you realize that on Supernatural, yea they talk about heaven and hell and god and angels and demons etc, but uhhh, they're pretty much shaking things up by showing us that not all do-gooders do good and not all bad-doers do bad...." and I was like "woah." and I started thinking about how, on the show, angels are kind of assholes who kill other angels sometimes, and like Meg the demon ended up being kind of a helpful, yet bitchy, demon, and how Crowley is just, Crowley. Idk, maybe I'm just crazy or whatever.. Or probably imagining things... Oh well.

That is all.

I gotta watch the Tech v Texas game right meow.
&&& later, I shall share an epic post all about my amazeballs Halloween experience.

Bad habits & things of that nature

Everyone has bad habits.. Literally, everyone. That includes Beyonce, the pope, Blu from Blue's Clues. I'm basically the queen of bad habits. I've tried to break them, but it never seems to work out. For example, smoking. I smoke. A lot. Literally, every time I try to quit, I quit quitting and end up smoking more than before. It's a pretty vicious cycle. Tied for 1st in the category of my bad habits is cursing. I have a horrible potty mouth. I'm able to curb my mouth at the right times (most of the time).. But sometimes those F Bombs just sneak out.. Like, whoops... My b. I gotta work on thta...

But I have also successfully quit a couple of my bad, dare I say, worst habits. Binge drinking. That was the big one that got me into trouble constantly. I woke up one day and was like "Woah, I'm an adult now. I can't be running around getting wasted all the time..." And just like that, I started making better weekend decisions, like staying in and hanging out with  my cat or having a Netflix night. Totally responsible, right? Heck yea. Plus (in my own personal opinion) it's not cute for a 24, almost 25 year old woman, running around getting super trashed every weekend. That kinda stuff was ok(ish) in college, but in the real world? C'mon now.... I'm not saying that I quit drinking forever... I drink almost daily. A beer after work, or a glass of wine with my ramen noodles always hits the spot. I've become that person who only goes out drinking for special occasions. And not the whole "oh, it's Saturday, let's celebrate" or "oh, I went the whole day without saying the word 'cheese', let's celebrate". Like, a birthday or an old friend is in town, or something like that. Very rarely do I feel the need to just go out because I feel like going out. I kinda think it also might be because I'm a lazy sack of shit, too. Because, having to shower and then fix my hair and then do my make up and then decide what to wear out....... It's just too much effort, and the thought of having to socialize makes me want to vom. I ain't about that life anymore. Rather than binge drinking at a bar and getting sloppy in heels, I'd rather stay home in my sweat pants and drink a bottle of wine, whilst conversing with my cat about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. Another nasty habit I've dropped, eating fast food on the reg. Literally, so horrible for your body. So horrible. I was an addict. It was so quick and cheap and easy. Hell yea I wanted to super-size my meal. Mickey D's, BK, T-Bell, Jack in the crack.... The grease was enticing. The lack of nutrition was not a problem. I was out of control and didn't think or care about what I was putting into my body. And you know what? It showed. I got chunky. And not like, a little extra padding for the winter, but like, "woah, who are you and why did you eat Shelby??" Bad. So bad. Plus, copious amounts of keystone light didn't help... Luckily for me, I made the smartest decision ever. I moved back home. I moved away from the nonstop party life, the nonstop fast food trips, the nonstop ride to heart attack city. I changed my eating habits, starting taking care of my body, and began respecting myself. Go me, right? Hell yea, go me. I still cheat and have the occasional cheeseburger from Whataburger, or a couple of tacos from Taco Cabana. It's all about moderation, yo.

I'm actually quite proud of myself. Those kinds of habits are not easy to break. I did it though. It took about a year or so, but I did it. Being healthy feels so much better. Not gonna lie tho, kinda craving a cheeseburger now... #PMS but that's a whole nother blog post....

Sometimes...

Sometimes, when people are talking to me and I don't know how to respond to what they said, I just repeat what they said, but in the form of a question.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling sad and stuff, I hold my boobs. And sometimes, I don't even realize that I'm doing it.

Sometimes, when I see small children, I just want to knock them down just to see what would happen.

Sometimes, I purposely ignore what people say to me or pretend like I didn't hear what they said. And then I'll usually just walk away and do something else.

Sometimes, I smell my armpits.

Sometimes, there are days when I feel like I could run 83726 miles and there are days where I feel like I could sleep for 83726 hours.

Sometimes, when I'm home alone, I walk around in the nude just because I can.

Sometimes, I tell my cat that shes the most important person to me. Sometimes, she responds by biting me or putting her butt in my face.

Sometimes, when I'm eating food, I end up getting it all over the place. In my hair, on my clothes, behind my ear. I don't know how, but it happens.

Sometimes, I stalk my own instagram and facebook just to look at pictures of myself.

Sometimes, when I think about my insecurities, I wonder what kind of insecurites the people around me are facing everyday.

Sometimes, I wish I could fly. I'd fly to Egypt.

Sometimes, when I'm having trouble falling asleep I listen to sounds of nature, thunderstorms, or waves on a beach.

Sometimes, when I get depressed I go shopping and I always feel much better.

Sometimes, when I'm driving across town, I pretend like I'm in an action movie and the bad guy is chasing me and shooting at me. It helps the drive go by a little quicker. It makes it even better when there is a car following behind me for a while.

Sometimes, when I think about all the unwanted animals in the world, I get sad. Then I go play with my animals and remind them of how loved they are.

Sometimes, I justify sleeping for an extra 5-10 mins by telling myself that I don't need to eat breakfast. Then I get sad at work because I'm hungry.

Sometimes, when I talk, I bite my tongue. Literally.

Sometimes, I clench my teeth without realizing it and give myself headaches.

Sometimes, I accidentally throw shade. I can't control my facial expressions at all. And sometimes, I look like I'm super pissed off, but really I'm just neutral. My neutral face is angry looking.

Sometimes, when people make me angry, I try to Force choke them, but then I remember I'm not a Sith.

Sometimes, I laugh so hard I pee a little.

Sometimes, I like to stay in bed and ignore civilization. I keep my phone on silent and just enjoy the silence.

Sometimes, when I'm taking selfies, I end up taking so many that I have a hard time choosing the perfect one, or I have a hard time capturing the perfect one. Either way, I take way too many selfies.

Sometimes, I do yoga naked.

Sometimes, I have the appetite of a full grown man. But sometimes, I have the appetite of a newborn child. There is rarely an in-between.

Sometimes, when I answer the phone at work, I sound incredibly bubbly and full of energy/excitement. But on the inside, I feel cranky and grouchy and pissy and slightly murderous. But that's just sometimes.

Sometimes, I sing in the shower.

Sometimes, when I see an stray cat or dog, I get sad because I think about all of the cats and dogs who don't have homes or humans.

Sometimes, when I get drunk, I hit on girls.

Sometimes, I would add on a couple extra drinks on tabs of super duper drunk jerk faces. And sometimes, if they stiffed me, I would either change the tip amount or just straight up call them out on not leaving a decent tip.

Sometimes, I listen to One Direction and other cheesy pop music like that. It's kind of a guilty pleasure.

Sometimes, when I wake up from dreaming, I consider checking myself into a mental ward because that shit cray cray.

Sometimes, I accidentally say 'you're welcome' before the person I'm saying it to has a chance to even say 'thank you'. And sometimes, when a server at a restaurant says 'enjoy your meal' I accidentally say 'thanks, you too'. Being socially awkward is great.

Mother frick frackin WEDNESDAYY

It is a glorious Wednesday everyone! It's chilly outside, I'm in a grand mood, and I actually slept through the night last night! Huurrayyyy!! But some of the dreams I had last night have me questioning my mental state.. Wish I could remember, but I can't now. I just know that when I woke up, I was like "wtf?" Maybe I should invest in a dream journal.. Then I could have a written collection of my fucked up dreams. If it's good enough, and I record them long enough, maybe... just maybe... I could turn it into a badass book and become a bajillionaire with a NY Times Bestseller. So anyways. I plan on doing a whole lotta nothin this coming weekend. Like, a whole lotta nothing. I'm just gonna catch up on my dvr because I'm already getting behind on my shows. This is unfortunate. You know how some people are so obsessed with movies and stuff? I'm obsessed with tv shows. I'm not into all that reality crap though.. Except the Bad Girls Club. That show is the bomb dot com. I thoroughly enjoy the drama these crazy bitches have. It also makes me feel like I've got my shit together. But that's literally the only reality show I watch. Everything else is either a comedy or a drama/suspense show.
Even though I'm in this fabulous mood, I still cannot wait to get off work. I'm over all this paperwork and filing. BLAH. Filing is for the birds. Filing is horseshit. Filing can S my D lmao. JK filing actually isn't that bad, time goes but surprisingly fast when I'm filing. And I've become a pro at the alphabet. I also get to have deep thought conversations with myself when I'm filing. Like, I have these epiphany-type moments that practically blow my mind. It's very serious to shower pondering, which I do quite frequently. All of my best ideas in life were thought of when I was in the shower at some point in time. BTW, I'm literally sitting here typing away at my desk pretending to look busy so I don't have to go file stuff -_- I'd rather save it for after lunch, which is when I need the time to go by quickly.
Okie dokie. I'm out of random thoughts at the moment. Maybe there will be more later...


Side note: I am really glad I have this blog. I can always re-read my posts and remember all the neat ideas I've had that I have long since forgotten.

Hypochondria & other things....

I, Shelby No Middle Name Deuvall, am a hypochondriac. In the past 3 days I have self-diagnosed myself with acid reflux disease, allergic asthma, and a sinus infection.

In other news, I have a badass puppy. Let me brag about my little bundle of furry joy. He is like 13 or 14 weeks old. He has never had any formal (or informal) potty training whatsoever. This weekend I took him with me to stay at the Netflix cave (aka my main squeeze's apartment). So I brought a bunch of shit to make sure we didn't have any accidents. I also bought a leash and collar, which he has also never worn/used in his few months of life. On our very first outing, he made poo and pee like a big boy and he was a natural on the leash #soproud. Long story short (because I'm running out of time): Friday night through Sunday night he didn't have a single accident inside and he didn't go all bark-crazy like some dogs do and he was a good lil pup all weekend. SOOO FRICK FRACKEN PROUD OF MY BABY BARCHIMEDES <3

The random things that I think throughout the day

I have a love-hate relationship with my tape dispenser.

Humidity is the mortal enemy of my hair.

Idk why but I love the name Francisco.

 Timehop just informed me that I sprained my ankle 4 years ago today. By tripping down stairs... Clumsy.

Time is moving super slow right now.

I'm too cool for blue or black pens. I use red, purple, and pink. YOLO.

Shaking hands with a person makes me uncomfortable.

Is it lunch time yet? No...? ok.

Bucket list item number #17924: Visit every state and take a cheesy pic with the signs.

Is it possible to make a legit grilled cheese sandwich with an iron?

I am ready for wine and a nap.

Blogging spreeeee

My life seriously has been so busy that I neglected my blog. And for that, I apologize. JK sorry not sorry. But really tho. My life has been busy and weird and awesome lately. I just need to remember to instantly blog when something cool happens so I don't forget. Like, for instance, today. I'm wearing a crazy bright colorful flowy top and its super adorbs. But the prominent color is orange. Personally, I'm not a fan of the color orange. But this shirt was $4.50 and free shipping so whatevs. Well anywho. One of my co-workers mentioned how nice this color looks on me. Like, woah guys. I was not expecting a compliment like that. Made me pretty dang happy. And lookie!! I remembered to blog it because it happened like, maybe 30 minutes ago.

100th BLOG POST!!!!

So I was just sitting here working and listening to conversations around the office and I realized that it kinda sucks being the youngest person in my building... I have nothing to contribute to the daily office conversations. All I hear is "blah blah kids blah school blah blah husband blah blah dancing with the stars blah" and I'm over here like "blah cats blah blah binge drinking blah blah blah sleeping in blah"

I do have someone my age that I hang out with at lunch, but she's in another building. Bummer. 

Side Note: This is my 100th blog post. I'd like to thank my fans, my cats, and Buddha. I couldn't have done it without y'all!

 

Nothing.

I haven't posted any entertaining stories in a while. This is because my life has suddenly become boring. Except this past week has be incredibly, both at work and at home. But sadly, nothing entertaining. Just lame stuff. Doctors appointment, grocery shopping, napping, wine, etc. So, yea. My bad..

Hopefully, in the near future, something awesome and not boring will happen to me. *fingers crossed*
Until then, here is a picture of a cat doing a thing.

xoxo

I don't even know..

Can someone please explain to me the point of money? Why does it have to rule our lives? Lame. I'm on the verge of leaving the country and backpacking around the world. Fuck you sallie mae. Fuck you. I WANNA SEE THE WORLD,  BITCH.

It's fuckin Friday, y'all!

Let me just begin by saying, it's still pretty early in the day and I have already had to deal with more shit than I'm used to. Soooo. First, the pups were wild at around 4 something. I let Ginger out and she had to poo. Luckily for me she barked and stuff to tell me rather than just shitting everywhere. So I let her out and went back to play with Barchimedes. Let me tell you, this lil man was full of himself this morning. Running around and jumping and biting the air. It was pretty adorable. So I brought Ginger back in and went the fuck back to sleep. Some amount of time passed and the dogs were barking again. Ugh, I just wanted to sleep so I ignored it and went back to sleep for maybe like 5 minutes or so. Then I said fuck it and got up to see what the commotion was about. Barchimedes pooped. Not once, but twice. So I took Ginger back outside and went back in to clean up the doodie. It's probably around 5ish at this point. Whilst scrubbing crap off the floor, my genius puppy boy runs up to me and steps all up in that shit. Twice. I cleaned his little feets. Twice. Then took him outside. After cleaning up doodoo and peepee, I felt nasty. Like, way too nasty to get back in bed. Shower time. I figured, there's not gonna be enough time for me to shower and then sleep for a decent amount of time til I actually have to get up so I took my sweet ass time in the shower. I even shaved my woolly mammoth legs. Then I did some beauty stuff, primping, etc. Brushed and flossed. (also probably lost about a gallon of blood from my gums because I rarely floss). Made breakfast and packed my lunch. Got ready for work. I actually love that I had plenty of time to take care of stuff and still have enough time to do my hair and makeup. I think I look kinda lovely today. *hair flip* So then, as I'm almost done getting ready, about 4 mins from walking out the door, my dad informs me that there is a snake outside and he needs my assistance keeping the puppies away. My mom was already outside so I didn't have to, but I stayed and played for a minute or two. Worth it. I was 6 minutes late for work. Ooops. Oh well. So that is my morning. Oh, what a fucking morning it has been..

....Is it 5 yet?

Snapchat selfie 

Last week.

Last week was such an off week. So many weird feelings and stuff.. I can't even begin to get into the silly emotional side of it, but just know that I'm over it and life is back to normal. Smooth sailing from here on out.
This week is much better. Everyone in my life is happy, which makes me happy. Everything is unicorns & rainbows now. Hurray life!!

Fight Night *dingdingding*

There was a fight tonight. With my family. Me vs Parentals.
It all started over an egg. An egg, y'all. AN ALMOST CHICKEN.
WHAT
THE
FUCK
This is my life, so yea. Fucking ayeeeee.

My Mother....

One of these days... When, not if, but WHEN I get into the car accident that kills me, I'm going to be hanging on by a thread and have JUST barely enough life left to call my mother and tell her what to do with my cat after I'm gone.. Oh, and I guess that I like, love her and junk.. So this is how that phone call will go:
*riiiing*
*riiiing*
*riiiing*
*riiiing*
"Your call has been forwarded to the automated voicemail box of 210......"
And then, *gasp* I am dead. Just like that, dead.
And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna float on over to that woman and I'm gonna ghost slap the ever loving shit out of that woman that's what I'm gonna do. But since I'm all ghost-like and what not and won't be able to physically make contact, it'll end up being just small *whoosh* of air. You better believe I'm gonna make that lil whoosh of air count. This new lil ghostie is not gonna get a running start, but a good & long floating start. I'm gonna float slap that woman so damn hard it'll feel like the eye of hurricane Ike is on her forehead.
That's what she's gonna get for not answering my phone call when I die.

Today pt. 2

One more hour of work. Just one measly little hour. I think I can do this.
Unless, a meteor crashes into the plant and we all die in a big giant fiery explosion.
That would be kinda awesome.
JK, it would suck.
But seriously though. Today is practically never-ending. So here I am about to end up ranting and raving and typing oodles of nonsense that spews from my brain to my fingertips.
Here we go.
Green.
A dog named Sally.
Hamburger with no onions, extra pickles.
Lets go fly a kite.
Can you count to 1,000?
Are zebra's white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Banana hammock.
Winter.
I got 2 pickles.
Someone buy me a giraffe.
Pink and green are hideous when paired together, in my opinion.
I have to pee.
Tye Dye.

Ok. I'm done.

Jordan?

Are  you there?
It's me, Shelby.
Shmelby
BYE.