Tired.

Hey guys and gals. It's been a while, huh? I need a bit of a rant moment, except I'm not mad or anything. I literally feel nothing right now. I am beyond emotionally exhausted. Literally, all of my emotions have been fully drained and what's left is a shriveled up, pathetic empty shell. If I went to sleep right now, I'm 100% sure I'd sleep for at least 14 hours straight. My head hurts. My back hurts. My shoulder hurts. My joints hurt. Everything hurts. Who knew being emotionally drained would be this physically painful..? The entire month of January has been a blur. I've been walking around for a month in a complete daze. My mind feels foggy. It's a strange thing to realize that an entire month has passed and I barely remember any of it. Here's a small glimmer of positivity: it can only get better from here.

Woah.

If my life could just chill out for like a day that would be great. Too much stuff is happening at once and its overwhelming as fuck. I just wanna sleep for a week straight.

The cold weather is bumming me out.
My allergies are bumming me out.
Having a bazillion doctors appointments is bumming me out.
The fact that my grandma is dying is bumming me out.
Family drama is bumming me out.
Feeling sick all the time is bumming me out.
Being awake right now is bumming me out.
Life in general is bumming me out.

It's a new year, y'all

I know making new years resolutions are silly, and they don't even last long.. But IDGAF. I'm making one because this year is all about ME. Bettering myself as a person, continuing on the path to self-actualization, becoming more in tune with my body, etc, etc.. So without further ado, here is my 2015 New Years Resolutions!

Main Improvements, AKA the "MUST DO'S"

• Reduce Debt: I have a huge pile of debt that's basically ruining my life. It's one of the main causes of stress in my life. This new year, I am going to stay committed to getting rid of a good chunk of this debt.
• Reach Goal Weight: When I first moved back to San Antonio, I changed my lifestyle drastically. I stuck to it for quite a while, but over the last several months I've kinda stopped. It's time for me to get back on track. Having a healthy lifestyle that's totally manageable is definitely going to help me become a better me.
• Building Some Abs: (I already know I'm not capable of developing an actual six-pack, but I'm determined to at least have some definition in my belly by the end of the year!!!)

Art and Creativity, letting out the true artist in me

• Blog More: So what if like, 3 people read my blog a day,  blogging has become pretty therapeutic for me and it's a nice way to go back and reflect on the things I've done, one day at a time. This year, I'm gonna step up my blogging game.
• Redecorate My Bedroom: It's already beautiful at the moment, but my life mantra is "everything is a work in progress" so I'm going to slowly redecorate and basically go all feng shui in my room.
• Start/Finish More Paintings: I love my easel and I love my new personalized smock, so why haven't I been creating art? New year, new projects! I can already feel the creative juices flowing!
• Start Journaling: I bought a cute little journal online the other day, now I just need it to hurry up and get here so I can start it! By the end of the year, it's going to be completely filled out!

Adventure, AKA time to explore more

• Read 5 New Books: I was on a roll for a few months last year reading books, but suddenly I was "too busy". So this year I am going to read at least 5 new books. I already know I've got a stack of at least 15 unread books to choose from.
• Go To Festivals: ACL and SXSW are an absolute must!! But I did a little research and found a few more that I'd love to go too as well. Austin Psych Fest presents Levitation, Free Press Summer Fest, Red Gorilla Music Fest, and Rockport Festival of Wine and Food. If I could make it to at least 2 of these, I will feel accomplished by the end of the year. Time to start saving up!

Well, there ya have it. My very long, slightly detailed New Years Resolution list. I am so  happy that I can post it on my blog to keep myself accountable for actually sticking with it! 2015 is going to be an amazing year for me, I can feel it! Thanks in advanced to my main bitches for being my support system to help me reach my goals, xoxo.

Seriously...

I've been in a shitty mood all day today. My family is driving me absolutley nuts. I don't understand them sometimes.. I'm sick and tired of them telling me what they think is best for me and what they think I should be doing. Like, I'm a big girl, I can make my own damn decisions. If my decisions end up being bad ones, then so be it. I can learn from them and move the fuck on with my life. And I sure as hell shouldn't have to explain myself or my decisions to anyone.

Life updates & stuffs

Well, it appears that I have neglected my beautiful blog and for that I apologize. LOL JK sorry not sorry. Anyhoo. So, Thanksgiving was last week. It was nice, minus the fact that there is a rude person in my family who clearly doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone else's feelings beside their own. UGH. Yea. Other than that, Thanksgiving was quite lovely. The food was fantastic. The beer was ice cold. The weather was lovely. And I also took a trip down memory lane by visiting the house I grew up in. So many strangely wonderful memories. Good times, man. Good times.

And now, today is December 2nd. It is also Tuesday. The start of my birthday week/month. -_- I'm turning 25 on Thursday and I'm kind of bummed. I don't like odd number years, they're always difficult years for me. But luckily for me, I have some super awesome people in my life. I'm not even gonna worry about it.

Ok, here are some important life updates since my last blog post:

Firstly, you must know that I have zero intention of proofreading this post. So if there is a typo or mistake, you can build yourself a bridge and get the fuck over it :D

I started training yesterday to sort and deliver the mail. It's pretty easy, but some parts of it are a bit confusing. After a week or so I'll probably get the hang of it.

Two of my pups got fixed last week. Ginger got her tubes tied and Barchimedes lost his manhood. I feel bad for the lil guy, he worked so hard on growing his lil balls and we just let them get chopped off. And poor Ginger, she had some minor difficulties during the surgery. Her breathing slowed down too much so they had to stitch her up real fast. We had to keep her confined for days. That dog is cray cray though and loves to jump around like a psycho. So that was fun trying to get her back in the kennel. But they're doing good now. You can't even tell they had major surgery a week ago! Hashtag BALLIN.

My PMS was fucking crazy. Like, fucking mental breakdown, crying for no fucking reason, eating all the food, and trying to sleep for 37 hours straight. That's all I have to say about that.

Last night me & my dad made some fucking tasty chili. Y'all. It's so good. I just wanna eat 12 gallons of it in one sitting. There were no eggs in the fridge, so no cornbread. We subbed white rice instead, which is what I'm eating for lunch in less than an hour. Hurray!!

Remember that one blog post a while back, when I asked for good vibes and prayers and shit but wasn't ready to spill why? Well, I've been job hunting. Looking for a better paying job, preferably a state job. I was thinking I could find a way to pinch all 7 pennies I have and get my own apartment, but unfortunately that's not an option at this point in my life. Hashtag sad day. But I think I'm might rethink the whole "finding a new job" thing. My boss is leaving the company, which means I could 1. get a promotion 2. get a raise and/or 3. get a new office (lol jk, I'm still the best receptionist ever). But I'm for sure having more responsibility around the office. The new boss has already got me training for the mail delivery, and we discussed me possibly being in charge of ordering office supplies. Like, woah. I'm kind of a pro at organization, so OBVI the first thing I'm going to do is reorganize the supply room, duh.  I'm just really hoping for a pay raise though... So send me those good vibes, y'all!! And for the new job stuff, too. I've got some good prospects. Like, 4 or maybe 5 of my applications for city jobs have been sent the hiring manager in those specific departments. Keeping my fingers, toes, and eyes crossed!!

Oh, yea!! I know I already said it, but my birthday is on Thursday (day after tomorrow). Here are my awesome plans: Dinner at 54th street grill because I've literally been craving it for MONTHS. Bar hopping near Jordan's apartment (Boneheads, Wurzbach Ice House, 4th Quarter). Then the after party is going to be at Jordan's/TJ's. TJ has a wii and those are fun to play when you're drunk. And I plan on being pretty effin drunk.

I think that's all I have for now. I guess I'll leave you with this:

✌☮

Another morning, another good mood. Life is seriously so wonderful. I can't help but think that karma might have something to say about that soon... History always repeats itself right? It has happened to me more times than I can count. I'll be really happy, and life will be working out just fine and then BAM Lady Karma swoops in and destroys everything in one swift move. Maybe it's my pessimistic attitude or maybe I'm just being paranoid.. Idk.. I just hope that things stay good. Not great, just good. Because I enjoy being happy.

Oh wow. Obviously to the readers of this blog, there was not a 2 hour span of time that passed from that last sentence to this one. But that happened. I may or may not be at work... LULZ what am I saying.. I'm always at work!! I very rarely like blogging from my phone because my autocorrect has a mind of its own.

Anyways. I had a point to where I was going with the first portion of this post, but alas, I cannot remember. I just can't dang diddily do dang do damn diddily darn do it. (Flanders). So I'm just gonna go off on a quick tangent/rant/idk/venting sesh. I know I've already blogged about how irritating it is when people assume I'm dumb.. But it kind of has an upside/silver lining. People think I'm dumb, so they think that I don't know that they're talking about me... Like, I'm just zoned out working on stuff on my computer. But hey. You're body gestures say a lot more than you think. Oh, and your little whispers? Yea I have hawk ears. (not sure if that's actually a thing, but whatever) I may not be able to hear every single word that people say, but I'm smart enough to put 2 & 2 together. I'm basically PMSing really hard right now and the littlest things are bothering me. I should punch something, but I won't.

Never again & some life updates

Today, I decided to branch out and try something new. I tried lemon herbal tea. It's fucking nasty. Never again. Ever. I'll just stick with earl grey or green tea..

Life update 1:
Clyde has been extra cuddley lately. I'm pretty sure its and experiment since she's plotting my death and what not.... Oh well, I'm just happy for cuddles with my child.

Life update 2:
I straightened my hair two days in a row. That is a HUGE deal because I usually look like I have hobo hair. Idk, there's just something about this chilly weather that makes me wanna show off my shiny black hair, and actually brush it regularly too.

Life update 3:
My birthday is coming up in less than a month. -_- laaaaame. All I wanna do for my birthday is sit in a dark room with my cat and drink a few bottles of wine while wallowing in self-pity. Not a big fan of the aging process...

Life update 4:
I lost 5lbs in month. Hurrayy!!

Ok, well those are all of the life updates that I can think of. Have a nice day!

Bad habits & things of that nature

Everyone has bad habits.. Literally, everyone. That includes Beyonce, the pope, Blu from Blue's Clues. I'm basically the queen of bad habits. I've tried to break them, but it never seems to work out. For example, smoking. I smoke. A lot. Literally, every time I try to quit, I quit quitting and end up smoking more than before. It's a pretty vicious cycle. Tied for 1st in the category of my bad habits is cursing. I have a horrible potty mouth. I'm able to curb my mouth at the right times (most of the time).. But sometimes those F Bombs just sneak out.. Like, whoops... My b. I gotta work on thta...

But I have also successfully quit a couple of my bad, dare I say, worst habits. Binge drinking. That was the big one that got me into trouble constantly. I woke up one day and was like "Woah, I'm an adult now. I can't be running around getting wasted all the time..." And just like that, I started making better weekend decisions, like staying in and hanging out with  my cat or having a Netflix night. Totally responsible, right? Heck yea. Plus (in my own personal opinion) it's not cute for a 24, almost 25 year old woman, running around getting super trashed every weekend. That kinda stuff was ok(ish) in college, but in the real world? C'mon now.... I'm not saying that I quit drinking forever... I drink almost daily. A beer after work, or a glass of wine with my ramen noodles always hits the spot. I've become that person who only goes out drinking for special occasions. And not the whole "oh, it's Saturday, let's celebrate" or "oh, I went the whole day without saying the word 'cheese', let's celebrate". Like, a birthday or an old friend is in town, or something like that. Very rarely do I feel the need to just go out because I feel like going out. I kinda think it also might be because I'm a lazy sack of shit, too. Because, having to shower and then fix my hair and then do my make up and then decide what to wear out....... It's just too much effort, and the thought of having to socialize makes me want to vom. I ain't about that life anymore. Rather than binge drinking at a bar and getting sloppy in heels, I'd rather stay home in my sweat pants and drink a bottle of wine, whilst conversing with my cat about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. Another nasty habit I've dropped, eating fast food on the reg. Literally, so horrible for your body. So horrible. I was an addict. It was so quick and cheap and easy. Hell yea I wanted to super-size my meal. Mickey D's, BK, T-Bell, Jack in the crack.... The grease was enticing. The lack of nutrition was not a problem. I was out of control and didn't think or care about what I was putting into my body. And you know what? It showed. I got chunky. And not like, a little extra padding for the winter, but like, "woah, who are you and why did you eat Shelby??" Bad. So bad. Plus, copious amounts of keystone light didn't help... Luckily for me, I made the smartest decision ever. I moved back home. I moved away from the nonstop party life, the nonstop fast food trips, the nonstop ride to heart attack city. I changed my eating habits, starting taking care of my body, and began respecting myself. Go me, right? Hell yea, go me. I still cheat and have the occasional cheeseburger from Whataburger, or a couple of tacos from Taco Cabana. It's all about moderation, yo.

I'm actually quite proud of myself. Those kinds of habits are not easy to break. I did it though. It took about a year or so, but I did it. Being healthy feels so much better. Not gonna lie tho, kinda craving a cheeseburger now... #PMS but that's a whole nother blog post....

Oh.

Today I am very sleepy. So sleepy. I need a 100oz red bull to get me through this morning. Too many weird dreams (that I can't even remember now) waking me up.. And I kept randomly waking up for no reason too. Pretty annoying. But one of my co-workers told me that I look very rested. Ha! Take that stupid sleep schedule!

In other news, I'm pretty sure my allergies are going to kill me. I have been coughing or sneezing for two days. Gross. This morning, whilst I was in the process of coughing up a lung, one of my other co-workers asked me if I had Ebola. I said yes. Then we all had a good laugh.

I'm pretty sure I don't have anything else interesting to add to this.. So, bye.

Can someone explain this to me?

How on earth is it 2014 and people are still so goddamn judgmental? Like, seriously. Race/sex/religion/ethnicity/etc shouldn't be such a big fuckin deal. If I believe in Buddha, who the fuck cares?  If I'm black, why is a fuckin problem? IT SHOULDN'T BE. It's nobody's goddamn business what the fuck anyone looks like, believes, or does. People should learn to worry more about what they are doing and less about what others are doing.

Can we all just be friends and skip through a field of daisies holding hands? I'd love that. Can we just hang out and order pizza and talk about how beautiful the moon is? I'd love that too. Can we just stop fighting about pointless stuff and get along? That would be lovely. Can we stop sending bombs and crap and start sending stuffed animals and candy? People would probably enjoy that way more.

I'm just sayin. Life could be a lot easier.

Clichés.

Only once in my life have I ever felt like a cliché. Well, now you can make that twice.
The first time was in 2012. I was single. I had just received my Chinese delivery food. I was watching a lame ass chick flick. And my cat was in my lap. I have never felt like a more cliché single girl jn my entire life. Oh, did I mention there was also wine involved.? Yea.
So today, my second cliché like moment. I was at work. I had dealt with insane mood swings all day. It was almost time for me to get out of work. I was sitting at my desk eating Hershey kisses with almonds. I ate 7 of them, to be exact. Whilst eating said kisses, I simultaneously started my period. Now that I have officially been a cliché single girl, it only made sense for me to become a cliché pms girl.
This is my life, y'all.
Also, I apologize for any misspellings or random typos, I'm on my phone and jk I'm not actually sorry. YOLO. Byeee.