Things that happen to me when I get drunk (a list)

As you may (or may not) know, I enjoy indulging in an adult beverage from time to time. Sometimes I may even indulge a bit too much. Back in the day, the college days, I used to be a heavy drinker. I went to a party school, that's what everyone did. Lubbock is flat and boring. You get drunk at parties or you get drunk at bars. That's about it. So anyways, now that I'm back home, and I'm almost 25 years old, I have basically gotten my shit together just enough to not get blackout drunk all the time. GO ME! I actually only get really drunk once a month now. Twice, if its a super special occasion. Once the booze is a-flowin, Shelby turns into a classy broad called Penelope. And strange things happen to Penelope.

1. She gets a weird Canadian accent. I have no idea where it comes from. But it's weird.

2. Her volume level tends to rise as her blood turns to straight liquor.

3. Whiskey always makes her aggressive. Never let her drink whiskey if she's recently been angry about something.

4. Once the first shot goes down, there will be many more to follow. Avoid straight shots.

5. She tends to get a bit clumsy. Well, clumsier than usual...

6. It's crazy, but she rarely throws up from getting too drunk.

7. Drunk munchies. But that's normal for most drunk people.

8. Either she drunk texts everyone, or she forgets she has a phone. There is no in between.

9. She tends to hit on girls a lot more than guys when there is booze in her system.

10. If she drinks a couple of Tito's dirty martini's, it's game over. Blackout City.

11. But even though all of these weird things happen, she is still a pretty neat person to get drunk with because she is very friendly and even more talkative than usual.